Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Fantasy is Reality




Gone with the fairies

The following text could be read using the "Fantasy is Reality" song by Brian Wilson and Carnie Wilson in Rob Wasserman's Trios album as background. This is about a fantastic conversation between the main protagonists of 1980's politics who in my view have strong responsibilities in the present financial debacle.

The characters are:

Ronald Reagan - 40th President of the United States of America (1981 - 1989). You really have a knack to pick the right guy!
Margaret Thatcher - United Kingdom Prime Minister (1979 - 1990). You really have a knack to pick the right guy!
George Bush - 41st President of the United States of America (1989 - 1993). Also CIA Director. You really have a knack to pick the right guy!
George Bush - 43rd President of the United States of America (2001 - 2009). You really have a knack to pick the right guy!
Osama Bin Laden - needs no introduction. In absentia as usual.

FANTASY

The Oh Void Office sometime in 1984. Ronald Reagan picks up the phone and calls 10 Downing Street
Ronald Reagan: Morning Maggie, howz things?
Margaret Thatcher: Lovely my dear Ronnie. Going for lunch soon. Wassup?
Ronald: Remember on the other day when we discussed the commies? I told you I have that recurrent dream about pressing the red button? I had it last night.
Margaret: Oh Ronnie darling, not that again. What is the matter with you? That is not a dream... it's a nightmare!
Ronald: Sorry Maggie... you know me and words or concepts... if they are not written... and even then... I cannot see a worse President for this.
Margaret: (sighing) Give it another 20 years. You'll be fine!
Ronald: (puzzled) What do you mean, Maggie?
Margaret: Nothing Ronnie... just daydreaming and looking at my crystal ball!
Ronald: Anyway... you know the commies are in Afghanistan big time. They are getting closer to "our" oil every minute. Our only protection at present? Some Islamic Republic in Iran where their favourite pastime is burning American flags and our mate Saddam in Iraq. Not good. We need to do more!
Margaret: And...
Ronald: This morning I had a quick talk with George...
Margaret: (interrupting, getting annoyed) What George, Ronnie? What are you talking about?
Ronald Reagan: George Bush. He knows about oil, he knows about the CIA, was a director recently, pity about his namesake son.
Margaret: Ronnie?
Ronald: Yes?
Margaret: Stop babbling. Get to the point!
Ronald: Sorry! Sorry... there I was again! Recently he got a call from a brilliant guy that is fighting the commies in Afghanistan. He asked for more support and we are going in... with training camps, money, weapons, "technicians", the lot!
Margaret: Yeah, yeah. But... why are you telling me this?
Ronald: Because George told me that this guy, Osama... something... he is some sort of a financial wizard and he came up with a great idea. I need your help for that.
Margaret: Anything Ronnie. And what is that great idea?
Ronald: The guy read a lot of books like "The Prince" by Machiavelli and "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu. This goes straight above my head (he makes the gesture with his hand). He also read an article in the Reader's Digest, you know, he is living in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan, not a big library around the corner, he had to make do. So... that article was mentioning the printing by Hitler of dollars and pounds to damage the Allies. I read the article and it looks great, I can understand it. We could do the same!
Margaret: (in despair) What? Print a load of fake roubles and parachute them in the Red Square?... you might as well press that red button when you hang up the phone.
Ronald: I see... That would look awkward. I'll get back to you on this. See ya!
Margaret: Tara Ronnie!
Ronald hangs up the phone and starts walking around the Oh Void Office. He picks the phone again.
Ronald: George?
George Bush: Yes?
Ronald: How are you?
George: I am fine. Who's calling?
Ronald: This is the President here.
George: President? What President?
Ronald: (getting annoyed) The President of the USA!
George: Yeah, yeah. So am I (looks up to the ceiling daydreaming)
Ronald: Come on George... stop it!
George: (flushed).... Ssssorry Mr. President. You want Daddy. (shouts) Daddy!!! There's the President on the phone.
George Sr.: President? What President?
Ronald: (mumbling on the phone) Oh what a pair of muppets!...
George: The President of the US of A.
George Sr.: (rushing to the phone, breathless) Hello Mr. President... sorry about the wait. Sometimes we just can't get the staff!
Ronald: I know I know exactly what you mean... (then mumbling again) What a pair! (talking again) George... do you remember that rouble plan from your friend in Afghanistan... Bin something?
George: Bin Laden? Yeah I remember... Is there a problem with it?
Ronald: I spoke to Maggie in England about this. It isn't gonna work. It will look suspicious to suddenly have all that money around. Plus... I have never seen a rouble in my life!
George: I see! I guess they don't come by very often. Don't worry. That guy is really clever. He will come up with something else. I'll call him straight away.
Ronald: Do that! And let me know what's going on!
Later that day, still in the Oh Void Office Ronald calls Margaret again.
Ronald: Hello my dear. Howz your day so far?
Margaret: You know... same ol'. Sold everything I could that starts with the name British. With a bit of luck in 20 years time it will belong to some company that ends in D (Deutschland) or F (France).
Ronald: Good girl Maggie. Just take the money and run.
Margaret: I certainly will. But I shall stay for a bit longer.
Ronald: I am sure you will! Anyway... let's talk some business now. Remember my call this morning?
Margaret: Oh yes... the one about the roubles? That was not one of your best Ronnie!
Ronald: Sorry Maggie... I though about it and now the wizard guy in Afghanistan has a much better idea.
Margaret: Shoot!
Ronald: That also makes part of the idea.
Margaret: No I meant... (sighing) oh never mind!
Ronald: Bin Something came with the idea that if we inflate the stock market and "liberate" banks, foreign exchange and no regulation at all this will generate loads of what he called electronic dollars or edollars. It will be the same has printing roubles without printing them by doing the opposite, increasing dollars or edollars without telling anyone. I am confused now.
Margaret: That sounds better. I will try to explain... no! better leave it that way.
Ronald: You know Maggie; this is way above my league. I don't have a clue of what I said but you might.
Margaret: Don't worry Ronnie. I know exactly what he meant. I will put my boys working on this plan straight away. I will keep you posted. What a brilliant idea. That guy is a genius.
Ronald: You know what he said?
Margaret: Tell me...
Ronald: He said that he doesn't need any money. As soon as the "liberalization" starts he will enter the loop and will make himself and his pals very, very rich. He mentioned his group, Al Qaeda. I think this will be a serious bank in the near future.
Margaret: Well if it was his idea... why not? Thanks Ronnie.
Ronald: You're welcome Maggie.
Margaret: I will call you again so you can tell your boys what to do!
Ronald: Thanks Maggie. Speak to you soon.
Ronald hangs up. He starts whistling happily while doing some laps around the Oh Void.

REALITY

Last Sunday President Obama announced more troops to be sent to Afghanistan. The plan so far is to put more money in the market. That will allow enough time for a final push to capture Osama in his A(Laden) cave with his infinite financial, technological, military resources (and gold and jewels and diamonds and a throne, surrounded by trading screens and most probably stroking a white kitten on his lap).

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She's fit?

My apologies for this Julie... one day I may tell you the story.