Oh (Lord) Sugar!...

"No income tax, no V.A.T.
No money back, no guarantee..."

Please gimme a break! I saw the last edition of “The Apprentice” loosely based on (Lord) Sugar’s catchphrase “smelling what’s selling” but in the end I could only smell a rat.

I know that all these ego exercises are for Television purposes only but it is amazing, or disingenuous, or ignorant or all of this, the way the entire exercise got put together… to start with the numbers as numbers don’t lie except when showed on “The Apprentice”.

The losing team ended with cash in hand of £422.61 plus unsold stock of £415.60. The winning team ended with £681.30 plus unsold stock of £273.90.

Now... (Lord) Sugar says that the assets are cash plus stock. However something has been forgotten here… unsold stock needs selling which implies more trips, more work, more labour, more expenses.

Frankly, for that day, we had 10 people and 2 vans and they cashed in £1103.91. If you take from this figure the original capital, plus travel, plus site rental, plus labour time (at least 140 man hours) each one of the apprentices got paid a staggering £2.88!!! per hour tops. This is way below the minimum wage and I am not counting income tax and VAT. “Oh Chateu nerf the pap” as another successful, and this time loved, business man would have said.

Of course there is stock left but you have to start all over again tomorrow and there is no way your rate is going to improve. You have to count on the fact that having Television cameras on site helps to improve sales, so tomorrow on your own can only be grimmer.

So, either (Lord) Sugar is deluded by the television limelight, or he became a caricature of what I presume he tries to convey…the seriousness of British business.

If what I saw yesterday is how British business should be described as (as stated by the successful entrepreneur), it is poor, very poor, people working below minimum wage, ignoring the value of labour, flogging goods with risible mark ups, no expenses, no social commitment, presenting figures at the close of business that are a total misrepresentation of how the business is actually performing… Gosh that’s it!! That’s British business in a nutshell!

This isn’t really “luvly jubbly”. Rodney Trotter on his return to the flat in Peckham using (Lord) Sugar's "spiel" would certainly got a “You plonker!!!” comment from Del Boy. I doubt (Lord) Sugar would have ever been hired by Trotters Independent Trading Co. although he is more and more making a tit of himself.

Personally I know exactly to whom I would give my money too any day, either to invest or to lose in a dream. Because the other is just a nightmare.

God Bless Hooky Street.